What transpired this week.
This week gave me an opportunity to get out and about. To be out of track pants, sweatshirts for a bit when I played host and tour guide to family.
This week reminded me of an article I read by Chelsea Fagan.
Chelsea writes about the fear of the expat- over time, the fear of the new environment seems to evolve into the fear upon realisation that “life back home has gone on without you. People have grown up, they’ve moved, they’ve married, they’ve become completely different people- and so have you”. Gosh, how did she know ?! “One day you simply look back and realize that so much has happened in your absence…you have become an outsider”. And at those words, my insides proceed to do an awkward squirm.
Very rightly so, many of us will say that leaving the nest changes things. “Having to start from zero and rebuild everything, having to re-learn how to live and carry out everyday activities like a child fundamentally alters you”. And she’s right, this experience changes you, its harrowing, yet calming to know that you landed on your feet after throwing yourself off that cliff.
And the last two paragraphs of the article summed it up nicely for me. I now have two places that I feel truly at home in. No, I have’t abandoned either. My family and loved ones don’t mean an inch less to me when I’m far away. I will always miss one country while I am in the other. They have both made me who I am today. But I know I’m not capable of being in two places at once, so I’ll pay the price and “lie awake some nights, thinking about all the things I’m missing out on back home”. At least till I’m home again.